Jacob at a day old, born on May 3, 2005 at 3:36 PM, 5 lbs. 12 ounces. To all those who dropped by the hospital, at home, left comments/tags in this blog and those who prayed for a safe delivery...much love to all of you.

Some photos courtesy of Uncle Matet. I don't know whose face Jacob resembles, mine or Kim's but one thing's for sure...the kids feet are a perfect copy of mine...just look at those big-ass feet from the previous pictures. 

It's an overwhelming experience. From the first time I peeked through the glass at the nursery up to now, I still can't believe the events that have transpired since May 3. It's a very poignant sight, someone so little and helpless, so fragile and yet so sweet...lying there wrapped in hospital linens, twitching under the light of a lamp that substitiutes for his Mommy's body heat. Looking at  Jacob for the first time was not an easy feat...I was trying to hold back tears as I was flanked by my mother and mother-in-law...I didn't want to cry not because of all that macho stuff...I was desperately trying to hold back tears so I can see through clear, unhindered eyes, my son for the very first time.

Kim and I are yet to have a decent night's sleep, but it's all worth it...believe me when I say that even though I can count with my fingers the hours we have slept for the past 7 days, it's been fun. I am amazed at the amount of energy we can exert despite the lack of sleep. They say having a child is no walk in the park and indeed they are right, it's not a picnic.

I won't bullshit you when I say I am tired and I am dying to get at least 7 hours of sleep; but just one look at that face, or a whiff of his hair, to feel the softness of his cheeks...or have his head resting on your chest makes every hour we've spent staying up all worth our while.

In my quiet time, if ever there is any these days, I still feel the weight...of being a father. It's not going to be an easy task, I sometimes wish there was some instructional booklet or user's guide but sadly there isn't. All I have are the things that I picked up from my parents and Kim's, on how they have raised us repectively...add a few of our own ideas and I think well be just fine. I'll just have to keep in mind to have fun along the way and cherish every moment because time can go so fast and the next thing you know, they're all grown up.

I'm aching to go home...I don't know what time at night or at dawn Jacob will get cry because he's wet or hungry, but I'll be up...we'll be up. You can bet your ass on it.

Having a baby around is like having your own pet, or having a new toy in the house...you just can't wait to get home and bask in the joy it gives...talk about the gift that keeps on giving.

A few days ago we were changing Jacob's diaper as he shat himself...yes, as babies often do, they shit on themselves, they shit without warning, they shit 24/7...one time I was holding him and I just felt a thunder clap and an intense vibration coming through the padded diaper, from his ass then lo and behold!...SHIT. So there we were, Kim wiping Jacob's ass with some baby wipes while I was holding his feet trying to raise his ass up so it won't touch the shitty diaper and for Kim to really wipe his ass squeaky-clean, when from out of nowhere dude just lets out the biggest fart I've ever heard coming from a baby...a newborn no less!

As if it weren't enough, he then decided to continue with the 'shitting' part...I clearly saw, uhm...shit squirt from out of his ass, it looked like water coming out of a drinking fountain! IT WAS SO FUCKING HILARIOUS TO BEHOLD! We had to literally stop and drop everything and just laughed our asses off.

Now, everytime we change his diapers we put a sort of shit-guard on Jacob's ass so that we won't get shit-sprayed and all...but there was one time when dude changed things up and instead of shit, he tried his urine for variety and there it was, as we frantically tried to change his nappies like a Formula 1 pit stop team would a tire...a spray of warm liquid just spewed upwards, needless to say we were stunned, and then we proceeded to drop everything again and just laughed our asses off.

So now, everytime we change his dirty diapers we need to have a urine-blast shield and a shit-squirt guard and be on a constant watch. Me, I'm just thankful he's not into sold food...YET.
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By the way, how many times did I say 'ass' and 'shit' on this post?

I think of the 2 books that are left, collecting dust on the shelf...the pages unturned for months, a manuscript my father in law wanted me to look over rests on another shelf. A sketch book filled only a few pages, not even half-way...doodles lost in time, and my mind is filled with the taste of this instant lomi that I had a few days ago, it was quite good. But I still think of those 2 books, half-read...left to the mercy of time, to dust bunnies and dust-mites, sitting quietly in a dank and dingy shelf...I will finish you, once a routine is established, to the sketchbook I will again pick you up and fill your pages with doodles, oodles and oodles of doodles...doodles of poodles in puddles, paddling like ducks in puddles of steaming hot lomi broth.

Nowadays I'm just too lazy when it comes to these things. 

These days I feel like I'm stuck inside a Pink Floyd song. Everything is surreal, everything is out of kilter but again like a Pink Floyd song...once every element is put together, everything works. Everything makes sense.

A good friend from back in the day is here from New Zealand, I think he's on vacation...he got here last Sunday but we haven't seen each other yet. Everytime they'd text me, I'm already half-asleep. Sleep is too precious and not to be taken lightly these days, it's a constant battle the issue of sleep, a game in which we try to get as much shut-eye as we can as soon as Jacob doze off. But I'm sure I'll see Bob before the week is over...by the way, he called Kim's house yesterday and apparently he goes by Rob now...what is with with foreign countries and this name changing thing? A cousin left here as Jun2X...next thing I know he's Joe.

Star Wars is coming in a few days from now. That's something to look forward to.

Last Monday, as I was spending the last day of my paternity leave I was on the verge of washing Jacobs laundry when our laundry lady said that if ever I should wring the clothes, I shouldn't wring them at all, instead I should just press them together with my hands...ignorant as I am concerning the etiquette of washing clothes I asked her the logic behind this, and she said I shouldn't wring them because it might make Jacob a very fussy baby, and worse twisted.

Ooookaaaay.

I don't see the connection but I just nodded politely, after all Manang Inday has been with us since she had her first child, now she has 3 and they're all grown up now so you can imagine how long she's been around. I have nothing against Manang Inday because she's a very cool person, and I don't have anything against these "pamahiins" if that's what that is. Folk beliefs? Whatever. It's a part of our culture but some of the things are just too crazy.

It amuses me sometimes. Like someone said that you should hide his umbilical cord once it falls off, put it in a vial and if ever Jacob has a brother or sister, keep the other umbilical cord with Jacob's so they'll be close? I think that's what they said? I don't get it. What does the umbilical cord have to do with Jacob's and his future siblings' relationship? Picture this...sometime in the future, Jacob hits let's say Sabine on the head with a shoe giving her a mild concussion...and I hang my head asking "Where did I fail as a parent?", then Kim comes rushing in the room and shows me the umbilical cords..."You should have wrapped them in tissue paper TOGETHER, not separately!"

Now I'm a bit apprehensive...should I change his diapers when the planets are properly aligned or else suffer the consequences by making Jacob constipated all his life? Should his diapers be changed with his ass tilted at a 45 degree angle, facing south when the moon is full if not he'll poop every hour on the hour everytime there's a full moon? Should his ass be wiped clockwise or counter-clockwise or else he'll be late at whatever he does all his life? I know I'm being sarcastic...it's just crazy.

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Yesterday Cartoon Network had the STAR WARS CLONE WARS Volumes 1 and 2 marathon...everytime I close my eyes I can hear lightsabers going "wooooooowwwwngggg...weeeeeewoooowng...kzzzzzzzt.....ksshhhhhhhht".

I should get a life.

I took pictures of him sleeping, sleeping while Kim was making him burp...I put Yoda and Darth Vader around him and he never moved an inch. Never flinched or batted an eyelash...he just carried on, sleeping. I took pictures in between mouthfuls of burger I got from this giant Pinoy fastfood, I'm sure you've heard of it. Mouthfuls in between clicks and flashes. I was tired, right after I got out of the office, to the 4 rides I had to take just to get home, to my subsequent detour at the fast food chain because I had to get some kiddie meals due to the fact that they have toys that come with them, toys from this so called monster of a movie...you might have heard of it, STAR WARS I think?

I know it's senseless but coming from a day that was as meaningful as shit, the detour was a welcome change. Plus I got toys out of it...toys that I know, Jacob will smash and wreck and gnarl when he gets to that age where you have to hide appliances or keep things out of reach.

Looking at him as I ate, so peaceful and a look of calm all over his face...I forgot how shitty the day was. Now I know what some of my friends meant when they said that it only takes a single look at their baby's face, or when your finger is gripped by their tiny hands or if you could just hear them laugh...everything feels good...last night as I watched him, everything made sense.

I've started to collect toys, not for me...okay SOME are for me but in the end, it'll be his...PROMISE! I got books that hopefully someday he'll spend some time to read. A few months ago Kim also started to amass a couple of art supplies, just in case he grows up and decides to pick up a pencil, sketch pad and doodle. There are so many things that we want to do with Jack, go places, see things. I can't wait when he becomes bigger so Kim and I can take him anywhere we go.

Tomorrow will be his second visit to his pediatrician for some shots, at least it's an excuse to get Jacob out of the house.

Some of the coolest movie speeches around from bbc.co.uk

1. Robert Duvall, Apocalypse Now (1979): You smell that? Do you smell that? Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for twelve hours. When it was all over I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like... victory. Someday this war's gonna end...

2. Jack Nicholson, A Few Good Men (1992): You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know - that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives; and my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.

3. Marlon Brando, On The Waterfront (1954): Remember that night in the Garden? You came down to my dressing room and you said 'kid, this ain't your night. We're going for the price on Wilson'... You was my brother, Charlie. You shoulda looked out for me a little bit so I wouldn't have to take them dives for the short-end money. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum. Which is what I am. Let's face it.

4. Samuel L Jackson, Pulp Fiction (1994): The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.

5. Michael Douglas, Wall Street (1987): The point is, ladies and gentleman, is that greed - for lack of a better word - is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms - greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge - has marked the upward surge of mankind. And Greed - you mark my words - will not only save Teldar Paper but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA.

6. Peter Finch, Network (1976): I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth; banks are going bust; shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter; punks are running wild in the streets, and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it.

7. Ewan McGregor, Trainspotting (1996): Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family, Choose a big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends... Choose your future. Choose life.

8. Clint Eastwood, Dirty Harry (1971): I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya punk?

9. Richard E Grant, Withnail and I (1987): . What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, how like an angel in apprehension, how like a God! The beauty of the world, paragon of animals; and yet to me, what is this quintessence of dusk. Man delights not me, no, nor women neither, nor women neither.

10. Mel Gibson, Braveheart (1995): You have come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight? Aye, fight and you may die, run and you'll live. At least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom! 

So much has happened in the past few weeks that I can barely take time to catch my breath. We have gone through so many changes in such a short period of time I'm amazed that Kim and I are still sane. Life has been going at a feverish pitch, nothing is what it used to be...I'm trying not to sound as if I'm regretful (which I'm not) but so much has been altered...the way we see things, the way we think, our priorities. I know this is just the beginning, there will be more in the coming days.

Tomorrow Jacob will be 3 weeks old. I feel he's been around longer than that. Kim says he's looking more and more like me each day. Maybe? I don't think so...well, his feet still looks like mine though. His been the center of attention for both sides and I think he likes it...he's enjoying the star treatment. Dude's been a constant source of laughter ever since, at 3 weeks old he's developed some peculiar antics that just makes you go "aaaaaaaaw...how cute" (said ala Kris Aquino). My weekends are much more worthwile these days, even if I spend it at home most of the time.

The only down side last weekend was when we tried to make him drink some water...he doesn't like the bottle and the only way is to use a dropper but it's like wrestling with a midget. A midget with a short fuse and a very devious way of making you feel guilty with the crying coupled with a very strategically timed lip and eyebrow curl and a can of cuteness that always melts you like butter.

_

I missed Rex' wedding last Saturday, the thought of just spending the weekend with Kim and Jacob proved to be much more appealing rather than spending the day being rowdy and getting soused at the reception. I'm so over that phase...well not really over because it's still fun to get shit-faced on weekends once in a while, but not as much now. I have to do my part and I can't be that useful if I can't drag my sorry ass to get some diapers for Jack's...ass. That's two 'asses' in a single sentence...I'm sorry, I just can't help it.

I'd have to thank my father for introducing me to Star Wars back when I was still a child. I wasn't able to watch the first release back in 1977, I was still 2 years old then, if memory serves me well I first saw EPISODE 4: A NEW HOPE back in my elementary days. From the first time I saw the famous 'Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away" intro to the movie theme which still gives me goosebumps everytime I hear it...I was hooked, instantly.

Back in the time when Betamax ruled every household entertainment system I'd ask my father to rent the movie every chance I get. He'd always ask me if I wasn't the least fed up watching the movies? I could almost memorize every line back then...we'd watch it together, my father, my cousins who were as much into the trilogy as well as I did. My mother often joked that Luke Skywalker could collapse of exhaustion because I'd watch the movie everyday. I even tried watching all three Episodes in a single sitting once...non-stop. It was some sort of marathon on cable back in college.

Then came the Limited or the Digitally Enhanced Editions, I watched them too...the prequels? Yep, I watched them as well. There's something about the movies that draws you in.

Lucky for me, I found a partner whose into Star Wars as well, Kim shared the same fondness for the movie as I do. Last night though I watched EPISODE 3 by myself, she wanted to stay with Jacob so that was a bit of a bummer, she said there will be other times and maybe we can bring Jacob with us by then...who knows?

Watching the movie last night was somewhat cathartic.

The movie played a big part in my childhood and last night was just like that, I was kind of revisiting those days. It was fun and it felt kind of sad at the end because it's like you're closing this chapter in your life. I know it's only a movie but I practically grew up watching it.

"Time is never time at all
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth
And our lives are forever changed
We will never be the same
The more you change the less you feel"

Tonight, Tonight
Smashing Pumpkins

The summer heat has been on Jacob's nerves lately. He's become fussy, throwing tantrums and he's become this mean little troll that always cries...we take a peek if his diaper is wet...not a drop. We take a look if it's filled with poop...nope. Is he hungry? He just had milk for the last 30 minutes...I think not. Yesterday Kim kept texting me that Jacob was just too grouchy. This morning I witnessed it first hand. After he woke up around 5 a.m. he started to cry so I got up from the sofa (yes, for the past week I have been sleeping on the couch for fear of crushing him because he's now sleeping on our bed with Kim), half-awake, stumbled to his crib and checked under the hood...no poop...not wet...we're good to go.

Then came this piercing sound like I've never heard in the entire 3 weeks he's been with us. I checked again, then I checked for his temperature..no fever...I checked if there's something stuck up his ass that's making him grumpy and throw these tantrums...nothing there.

Kim said that around noon yesterday he was acting the same way and she said that it might be the heat. She's got a good point there. It's not a pretty sight watching him cry and squirm, he turns red from all the stretching, squirming and the constant crying.

I picked him up, paced around the living room and he just stopped. So I continued for about 30 minutes, I just paced around the living room occasionally stopping in front of the electric fan to cool down; next thing I knew he was sleeping. It's like a battle of wits at home. He's undergoing so many changes, he'll throw in a few new tricks and we have to think of ways just to counter them...it's like playing a video game...that cries, eats, sleeps and shits...CONSTANTLY.

One thing I noticed though is that he's getting heavier by the day. My arms still hurt after this morning's 30 minutes of carrying him in my arms...he kicks and squirms while you're cradling him in your arms, and man can he kick! It's always fun to watch him squirm and do some stretches in his crib when you put him down, it's like watching a turtle on its back or a worm, inching it's way on a leaf. I just hope as today progresses it won't be as bad for him as it was yesterday or this morning. I kept dropping hints on getting an airconditioner to his Lolo...all he did was scratch his chin...I just hope the chin scratch translates to something good.

what's the worst that i can say?
things are better if i stay
so long and goodnight
so long and goodnight

 "Helena"
My Chemical Romance

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at least it's a Friday... 

"The operative word is emergency. What emergency are Cabinet officials trying to meet on a daily basis?"

Read this and you'll know why this country is inching its way ever so close to the toilet.

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I don't know if he was a Cabinet member or a politcian for that matter but he had those personalized plates so he must be some rich asshole or something but I just had the unfortunate 'privilege' of experiencing a similar situation as this on my way to work just this morning. May the driver who so blatantly honked his horn as if no jeepneys and cars were in front of the one I was riding have in-grown pubic hair and his balls shrink down to the size of peas.

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