Wednesday, GMA's inauguration, a holiday, in the office with nothing to do, so I downloaded Pink Floyd's The Wall, it's a double CD...took me the whole day. The things you do when you're bored. But it's worth the trouble though, Floyd rocks! You talk to an Old Skool stoner and they talk about Pink Floyd like a priest would talk about the Bible...I knew this kid once, big time stoner...he would listen to Floyd when he was toasted, listening to him, I felt like I'm getting baked too...he said there's something about listening to 'The Floyd'; he refers to the band as 'The Floyd' when you're high, you hear every bass line, every note, the drums get heavier and you can even hear sounds that are not there when you're sober.

.....

Wednesday night...home. People wanted to experience the Sugbayanihan, feast on pork barbeque and maybe soak in the party atmosphere somewhere near the Provincial Capitol, but after dinner, all the enthusiasm fizzled out and we just settled on CSI instead.

The whole time, Pink Floyd was still ringing in my ears, swirling in my head.

I passed in Fellowship of the Ring on HBO. I was too sleepy, and when I got to our room, Black Spring was in the drawer, crying out to me screaming, "Read me you lazy bastard!".

Maybe tonight?

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.....

How can you not love these dogs?

Their pictures should be next to the word 'adorable' in the dictionary!

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The huge, beige one is Binggol. the black one is Bailey and the little one with the scruffy hair is Rusty.

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Fried rice, dimsum, Ice Monsters and Mestizas...food choices that smell like shit or a week old fart, and a couple having a lover's quarrel amidst people and their sizzling chef's and barbeques, couples in English, one rubbed Chapstick on her ears...now that's a first. Taxi drivers that think they're in the Indianapolis 500, Speedtech wannabe's and dragters crunked on coffe and nicotine...the air freshener in some taxis smell like hot arm pits on a humid summer afternoon.

I was hopped on Mestizas...beer, rhum and Lift...a witche's brew, poor mans attempt at a quick alcoholic fix. Blitzkrieg on the brain cells, shock and awe on the synapses!

Mestizas make you sleepy. They bore you to death, at least for me...they make my eyes throw fits. Catatonic, frenetic...life's going in slow motion but my brain is in fast forward. Some say I worry too much. The bathroom faucet is dripping, I just replaced it with a new one 3 days ago...what if the pipes burst and floods the whole house? I'm constantly preoccupied with 'what if's' and I would be half way through my fingernails if I still bite them. The skin is peeled, some blood and red stains but nothing out of the ordinary.

Vagueness.

Sweet ambiguity.

Stairway To Heaven...

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The Beatles:
I grew up listening to them with my father. My uncles would often play 'Let iI Be' or the White Album, or Rubber Soul on Sunday mornings, just before the breakfast table was set. When I grew up, in high school and college, family gatherings, especially on my mother's side usually had 2 staples...food and The Beatles. George Harrison was a personal favorite of mine, he was not really up on the forefront like Lennon and McCartney, but when he played his guitar, the world listened. When he died, I silently wept.

Guns N Roses - Appetite for Destruction:
Cock rock at it's finest. Back in high school, Axl was god. First time I saw that top hat and the Les Paul Gibson guitar, I was in awe. I thought "THIS is rock and roll!" My room was literally a shrine for the band. Even my grandmother liked, or at least knew the band. If I had a soundtrack to my entire high school life, it would have to be Appetite For Destruction. Every morning before I went to school, 'Welcome To The Jungle' would be blasting on my radio.

Metallica - And Justice for All:
Music to get even more pissed on. Every shitty day, I just put this on, and just frizzle-fry in my room...write, draw, bang a few doors, send a few notebooks flying. The album that made most people in my high school think we were Satanists because they have never heard of a heavier band than these guys. This album opened our eyes to some of the most gritty, at times poignant social commentary ever, and bled a few eardrums in the process.

Pearl Jam - Ten:
It came like a breath of freash air. At a time when hair metal bands were turning into self-parodies of themselves, at a time when L.A. and the Sunset Strip saw a few too many bleached blond, spandex wearing, self absorbed frontmen. Seattle produced, self-effacing, socially conscious bands, and some of the greatest music to ever come from a single place. I remembered one time I brought a Soundgarden tape and had one of my friends listen to it and all he could say was it was 'shitty', few months go by and he brought his Alice in Chains tapes to my house.

Cocteau Twins - Four Calendar Cafe:
My sophomore year in college, a classmate of mine named Rikki literally shoved in my face his copy of Four Calendar Cafe, I asked him what was the music all about? He just smiled, and said "it's for me to interpret", up to this day, I'm still figuring out what Liz Frasier is saying, but when you're the Cocteau Twins, you don't have to be understood...good music doesn't have to be dissected, or examined. It's like your with them, in some strange place, you just put out your hand, and let the band take you to wherever it is they want to bring you.

The Smiths - Meat Is Murder:
With their songs about longing, angst-ridden, brooding, depression ridden symphonies that talked about every emotion I felt my whole college life, I fell in love with The Smiths. 'Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want' summed up everything. It was in college that I started to write, and for the most part it was because of Morrissey, because I wanted to weave words like the world's most visible, vegetarian, clinically depressed poet. They said 'Hand In Glove' was the best written love song ever in rock history, some may beg to differ...but try listening to it. It might just be.

The Doors:
One day we were at my friend Junald's house. We got drunk...piss-drunk, we watched cartoons, hallucinated a bit, Erick was lifting weights while Bobby put out his cigarette on his back, Bobby puked, and Luvier decided to join in the pukefest, Junald was trippin', I was spinning...puked and then sat down to watch some more cartoons...all this while 'The End' by The Doors was blaring on the speakers behind us...fitting, don't you think?

The Sex Pistols:
It was like discovering something for the first time. You wonder how can a thing be so ugly, so haphazard and sloppy yet, at the same time be so beautiful. Punk rock was all about self expression, individuality and doing things and not worrying what the person next to you might think or say...one time, a friend was making an illustration project back in college, he had his shirt off and was concentrating on his job when Bobby burned his armpit hairs with a disposable lighter just because he wanted to ...my friend jumped and screamed, cursed and laughed in one single breath...that my friends is punk rock.

Tool:
Whoever stole my Tool tape should rot in the fiery pits of darkest Hell! Back in my freshman year in college, someone borrowed, then lost my copy of Undertow...luckily I had a copy, a recorded copy but it got lost too! Sober blew me away, the video even made the song seem immortal...dark images, grotesque and surreal, in claymation...staying up late making projects for art school was worth the trouble, Maynard James Keenan kept me company during countless nights of sleep deprivation.


There are still so many I know, this will be it for now.

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God damn tug of war game! My arms felt like they were a couple of inches longer after that. They still hurt like hell.

Sunday and it was laundry day...I think of Sundays and I can smell the detergent and the fabric softener. Soap suds swirling in the air, flitting like butterflies. One thing I notice when I'm in the laundromat...my nose usually itches, Kim's too. Maybe it's the soap? Or the fabric softener, or the fact that it's a Sunday and we're doing laundry...maybe it's the body's way of saying 'what the fuck?'

Missed going home last Saturday (company outing), missed mother's home cooking, missed bumming around the house, eating, playing couch potato until it's time to go and pick Kim up at Ayala. Missed controlling the remote for hours. The smell of my room, looking at Ma's plants all green and soothing to these stressed eyes, the peace and quiet. having the usual afternoon snacks with my mother and Manang Inday, talking about anything and everything. The sound of Mama's laughter.

I know it's kind of sentimental...but I can't help it.

:::::

.....

Didn't do much last night. Holed myself in our room, and did some small arts and crafts thingy, 'rails' and shit...maybe a 'half-pipe' someday? Or an entire 'park'?'

Mondays suck.


Tangerine.

Slightly agitated, nauseous and feeling a bit crappy.


Tuesdays suck even more.

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I am in some place else. I am no one, nothing and anything in between.

It may be the strangest thing, looking through jaded eyes...29 and I feel like I'm too old for this shit. The world can end anytime, I'll be holding a Quarter pounder with cheese, greasy fries, a large Coke and a big grin on my face, I'm to calloused to even care...sometimes. Caring can be cumbersome, wouldn't it be nice to just say 'I don't give a fuck!' to anyone and everyone?

If it's only that simple.


_

Dinners, and TV, dishes and slacking on the couch, The Seventh Sign, end of the world type shit. Nothing much doing on a Tuesday night except slack and watch TV, fry brain cells in front of the idiot box. Routine? Hell yeah!



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fuck off you fucking wankers!

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Saw Morrissey's new video last night (Irish Blood, English Heart), good ol' Moz put on a few pounds, but the bloke can still sing.

_

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I can't wait!

Exorcist, maybe the best horror movie ever made...at least for me. This is the prequel I think?

I saw the original one back when I was in elementary, then I saw the director's cut back in 2000...my wife is terrified of this movie, I don't think it's that scary, it's not even that gory...heck, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the remake)...now that's one gory movie. After watching it, I felt dirty and grimy all over.

_

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"HEAVEN KNOWS I'M MISERABLE NOW"
In my life, why do I give valuable time
to people who don't care if I live or die?

_

I haven't been like this for a while. The feeling of total loss.

I was 'shoegazing' last night...behind the dumpster, people passed by not having a clue. Shoegazing, splashes, blots and specks in patterns only I can come up with. I have proof, well I had proof, but I wiped it clean...back home. I don't even remember half of it, half, 3 quarters, the whole story. I don't have the faintest of clues, I slept too soundly hoping not to remember. I am feeling strange today, unorthodox...I'm leaning towards depression, I'm good at hiding it I know. Who cares anyway? As long as people go on their daily routines, errands accomplished, t's crossed, i's dotted, everyone is happy.

It never ends. it's breathing, it's flourescent, incandescent...luminous, in all it's lustre and fakery, I know it never ceases. It doesn't rest, it never stops.

I should cry myself dry, but I can't.

I can't and I won't.

_

Liz Frasier in my ears, and I am 'feeling overwhelmed'.

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And now for some geek erotica.

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Everyone's got the right to get shit-faced or piss-drunk once in a while.

I did it twice.

Friday was the first in a long time, I was so drunk, Kim told me all about it the next day and I couldn't believe...I was incoherrent, I had trouble focusing, I looked like a complete idiot, she said my nose must have been itchy but I had trouble finding it, she just sat there laughing...thanks a lot! hehe.

Then Saturday was just out of plain boredome. We ran the gamut from white wine to lambanog down to beer. Gothed ourselves, painted our nails black, took a lot of pictures, laughed and just had a really great time...it was sort of a "break-up" party (I won't go into details) but it was fun, a nice way to just relieve some stress from the busy week. Didn't get drunk as bad as I did the day before, but we ended up at a quarter before 6 a.m., haven't done that in a while too.

Then it was a lazy Sunday.

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Nothing much.

Drifting, away in slumber, overcome and undermined. I am in need of a sugar fix, a caffeine injection a kick in the crotch! Anything that can keep me from tumbling over and hitting my head on the monitor. I am almost done, I am half asleep, caught between the real world and dream land. I need a pinch, a slap in the face...wake me up,

"shock me, make me feel better. shock me, put on your black leather".

See, I'm quoting lyrics...that's bad.

I'm bored. So bear with me, I am inanimate, I am a stew cooking in my own laziness, boiling in my own apathy , my mind is fermenting, I have a penchant for the mellowdramatic, I try to write but I squirm in my seat at the mere thought of someone reading this shit...it's an unsettling feeling. Like I'm being skewered, the idea that people might think I'm just some punk-ass kid who's got too much free time on his hands, tying to pass rantings, delusions and practically nothing as meaningful and insightful blog entries.

Yeah...read at your own risk.

_


Not now. Not today, Not ever...may I ask when? No one knows.


_

This morning, the door was locked, and the keys left inside, lucky for Kim I worked near the house. It's all good, no biggie.

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:.

I'm currently downloading the album "Coral Fang" by The Distillers. They're my new favorite band these days, especially Brody Armstrong, she's on vocals...ehehe, my new crush (sorry Kim, you know you'll always be my number 1 crush hehe)...okay, enough of that!

She reminds me of Courtney Love vocally, they have the same voice quality, but she's a lot more easy on the eyes than Courtney these days. I'll post some pictures if I find some.

_


Damn Yahoo Audibles! I can't hear shit!

_

Saw "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" last night and I never realized how stupid that movie was until last night, back when we were still in high school, my cousins and I would watch it over and over. We thought it was one of the coolest movies ever...last night, I felt my brain shrink down to half it's normal size. But it's still fun, watching it and remembering those times when we were still together, during summer vacations...when life was much simpler.


_

Sometimes, I just feel irritated at things for no reason, at people for no reason...that service crew dude at Jollibee, looking at him just makes me want to just snap and go...I'm difficult at times I know. Someone once said my mood swings drive her crazy.

Sorry.

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http://www.bnrmetal.com/ - the internet heavy metal encyclopedia.

The ultimate guide to everything heavy metal...\m/

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2 kids were standing on the corner store, the first kid, with no apparent reason kicked a trash can, scattering trash all over the curb...the other kid asked, "Why'd you do that?"

"Because that's being punk!", the first kid said.

So the other kid looked for another trash can, did the same thing and then looked at the first kid and said, "Was that being punk?"

The first kid said..."No, that's just being trendy."



//from a friends journal back in hatelife.org, too bad it crashed.

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Vice Magazine, July 2004 Photo Issue

Dos and Don'ts

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I fell asleep half way through Empire Strikes Back last night...what the fuck is wrong with me?! It's Star Wars! We were supposed to have a movie marathon last night, from New Hope up to Empire, but sleep got the best of me. I wanted to finish the 2nd movie so bad, but my body had other ideas, fatigue just set in and I dozed off a couple of times on the couch. My brother-in-law suggested I go to sleep...but it's Star Wars!!!

_


I often ask why? Is it something that I have done, is this some sort of punishment, has karma come back to bite me in the ass for past transgressions? And you often hear or read news of some found in dumpsters, some of them abandoned, abused, beaten, even killed...so many good and decent people want them so bad, and yet those not deserving get to have them and treat them like shit. Call it unfair, call it what you will...life sure has a sick sense of humor.

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I'm sure I'm not, er, alone, in feeling overwhelmed by the company we all are forced to keep. When I visit my husband's 11-person firm, for example, I notice that just about every employee is listening to his or her own music through his or her own set of headphones. They're alone, but part of a crowd. And they like it that way.


Hmmm, sounds familiar...read on.


> from Jugglezine

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I am trying to understand and weigh my actions last night, am I that boring nowadays, have I grown into this routine where I wake up, go to work, go home or go meet my wife at the mall and have dinner together, watch some TV, maybe play some ping pong and then sleep? Or maybe it's just that I'm getting too old for impromptu night-outs with the boys? Sure, back in the day I wouldn't even think twice, I wouldn't even look for any excuse, if someone said "go", I'm gone. Maybe I just had my fill? Maybe It's not logical anymore to subject my body and mind to the rigors of midnight runs to some unkown burrough in the city, take 2 jeepney rides to the place and another 2 rides back home just to find Lansiao and who knows, knowing these kids maybe to some other side trip?

I still enjoy the occassional night-outs, especially with Kim or together with the family, not so much the typical boy's only affair...once in a while a friend might call or text me on such short notice, I usually decline, I know my priorities...and they are set. Maybe I'm a square by anyone's standards, but I think it's part of maturity; I don't think I'm that mature...just ask Kim, hehe but I think I'm on the right path.

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Digital Living Handy Reference Cards
Life in the Silicon-paved fast lane got you down? The endless upgrades, the plug-'n-play employees at the cube farm otherwise known as your job, the skyrocketing stocks for Net companies that never see green, the popularity of Ricky Martin? Let well-known digital culture writer and cartoonist Mark Frauenfelder explain it all to you in our monthly Digital Living Handy Reference Cards. Collect 'em all! Here.


_

First there was the Agricultural Revolution, then the Industrial Revolution, then the Information Revolution. So what's next? In an effort to give you a head start on revolutions to come, we offer this DLT Guide to the Future.

>from Digital Living Today



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Pizza overload last night...I can still smell the pepperoni in my breath!

Thanks to Sammy

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2 months since I have chased the wind...chased an illusion, a dream, a goal, my mantra has been lost in the dust and debris, trampled under foot, swept under the rug and chugged down countless Saturday nights. It has been kept under lock and key, I was not that religious to the cause, I backslided, I was a lazy bastard...I failed miserably. The debilitating feeling is still there, it never went away, it had my insides clutched in it's claws as I gasped for air last night, I felt like I was 80 and I thought I would pass out in the center of all those people, what a clumsy thing that would be indeed, all the newcomers, and the old schoolers would be pointing a finger, wearing sarcastic smirks, shaking their heads in disapproval...in shame. i was panting furiously, I was sweating in buckets, pouring in torrents, I was soaked and I felt the world spin, turned upside down, everything felt magnified, i couldn't breath. My lungs were crying out for help, but I was too exhausted...I sucked, big time!

I failed...I shouldn't have stopped.

I am weak, I am futile.


But I'll be back...I swear.

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Saturday, we were faced with a daunting task...4 Tanduay lapads and too much time to kill, daunting might not be the apt word I was looking for; okay, an 'envious' task would be a more appropriate word for us working class heroes who click mouses and tap keys on a keyboard, churning out picture books, college kids from a night of the ever dreadful 'party and meet the parents' situation, college kids doing their practicum fresh from a very busy week, a soon to be father who'll be starting a new job some time next week or someone who chops meat in a grocery uptown...Saturday is like the first rain in summer, it's our time.

3 lapads later and a couple of instant pancit cantons, noodles, chips and a great conversation about our elementary years. What was our favorite candy that we used to buy all the time to packed lunches, games we played as kids, the music of the time. I rememebered I used to buy Bon-Bons, Cola, Butterballs by the bulk! Watches that turned to robots, Sesame Street and it's local counterpart, Sesame which eventually became Batibot, Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, Journey, Milli Vanilli, etc. all those 80's new wave and rock bands, those crappy songs you always here on tricycle and jeepney stereos. Japanese game, takyan (sipa), shyatong, tubig2X, all those games that now, I hardly see kids play (damn Playstations and XBoxes making kids too damn lazy to go out and have real fun), a time when you had to bring your lunch to school and reminiscing about opening your lunch box to find out the rice turned red from the hotdogs that now, look nothing like hotdogs, corned beef juice spilling from your Tupperware to your bag, now the first half of the schoolyear your notebooks smell like corned beef, and smelled like shit for the remainder! Times when we split our shorts playing takyan or just running around knocking shit down. Trips to the principal's office, and all the stuff that made those years seem to be so much fun.

Leave it to alcohol to mix the coversation, from the cerebral to the inane, nostalgic and at times tragic, from the sublime to the absurd. It was at this time I had my first experience with porn, we were in grade 5, we had a classmate that was retained and had to repeat the 5th grade, he lived just a stone's throw away from school so we'd have our lunch there. One time we found a Betamax tape (yeah Betamax, this was in 1986 or 87), so there we re...spellbound. Thus began my love affair with porn.

We went on, as the night neared to day, Kim and Sammy took some pictures, great pictures I might add. Jeres, our neighbor and a close friend who happens to be a Psych major and I were talking about weird human behaviors, and he confirmed that night that I have OCD (Obssessive Compulsive Disorder, look it up kids or see one of my earlier blog posts), it's nothing serious, it's just this weird thing I usually do, a quirkiness some or maybe all of us have experienced once in our lives...but it's weird, it hasn't really interfered with anything in my life, but it just feels weird, knowing you have it. We wound up at around 3 in the morning,

I had a good buzz in my head going, I wasn't that drunk...I felt numb...blissfully numb.


...

Laundry on a Sunday...and those 3 people doing their laundry, I wanted to stuff them in the dryer, snotty bastards! Cabbage rolls, a good run, Jackie Chan kept me company with my cabbage rolls, exquisite cabbage rolls they were. I'm talking about cabbage rolls a lot, that's how good they were.


_

Piss me off, yes do that again, you're going the right way for a smack bottom, I'll be opening a big can of whoop-ass, I'll be breaking necks and all that shit. I'll be kicking your ass so hard, you'll have to shit standing up. Just be considerate once in a while, show some respect, some kindness...would it hurt to show some sensitivity? I don't think you'll lose anything...instead you would have gained something...my respect and admiration.

This is dedicated to all the assholes in my day to day struggle to make some meaning in this otherwise, bleak existence.

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I know I'm not supposed to question 'Him' or anything...I was raised a Catholic...unfortunately not a devout one to my parents' standards, but a Catholic none the less, with dogmas, commandments, and what not...I know, it's supposed to be some sort of sin or you could wind up in some circle in Hell if you curse at someone, especially 'Him'. I know it's not in the nature of every good Catholic...because we're taught to be meek, loving, fearful of 'Him' and all that bullshit about hellfire and brimstone and eternal damnation, it's not even proven...maybe it's just a bunch of crap...I don't care anymore. With all that has been going on, I don't give a flying fuck. I know I'm not supposed to think these thoughts because 'He' is supposed to be Omniscient (that's all knowing and all seeing to you pagan motherfuckers). I know I'm not to write about this, 'He' might cast down lightning bolts and maim me in one fell swoop...I don't really care anymore. I know by thinking these thoughts, by doing this I am chalking up points for time in Hell. if I'm lucky enough, it's Purgatory, but who gives a fuck? I know I don't deserve to question 'His' authority or 'His' grandiose plans.

I'm only human, I bleed, I get tired, I get pissed, I get frustrated, I am confused, I am angry...I am livid, I doubt and I question...right now I'm speechless.

I only have 3 words.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

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I saw this on a bumper sticker this morning...

'If you drink like a fish, swim! Don't drive!'

not much to write today...maybe something will come up later.

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The Boy Done Wrong Again

The boy done wrong again
Hang your head in shame and cry your life away
The boy done wrong again
Hang your head in shame and cry your life away
Are you ok now?
Are you ok now?
On Saturday I was an angel shining fair
You shone louder, longer
You put my shine to shame
Put me to shame now
Put me to shame

What is it I must do to pay for all my crimes?
What is it I must do?
I would do it all the time

All I wanted was to sing the saddest songs
If somebody sings along I will be happy now

The woodland spring will put the darkness from your thinking
If this town's your sinking ship
Then you know where to jump

Talking dirty, for a hobby it's fine
So pour another glass of wine
I'll think of England this time

All I wanted was to sing the saddest songs
If somebody sings along I will be happy now

pardon the lyric posting...I'm listening to this song by Belle & Sebastian right now, and I have nothing to write...

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People see the light and reactions may differ. Some get blinded by the sudden change...maybe they are not expecting one or are not open to it yet? Some run in fear for spending too much time in the dark, some see life in a whole new perspective, because at one time or another, they were blinded by hate, greed, sorrow, pride...love.

People see the light in the most unexpected ways, some have seen but they don't want to acknowledge the fact that change has come...they feel they're too comfortable with where they are or are too afraid to stir things up...some pray to see, but when the time comes and it's not the answer they were looking for, they get upset.

But some have seen and are changed for the better...some have seen, and their lives have turned for the best, a new lease on life as the old adage goes.

Here's hoping that all good things happen from now on...you definitely deserve happiness.

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a single second, an eternity and a lifetime
wasted in a flick of an eye...eye of a needle,
in haystacks and thorns, they adorn as we
mourn in effortless grace and we dine with
swines as time trickles in drops to a cup in one
hand and the troubles of the world in the other.

listen, to music and death in the same breath.
we sing in our sorrows, we die in our pain, the
stones piled 6 feet high. rain, like tears they
smolder, the fire in your belly burns through, you
cleanse your soul, and you free your mind...is
it a crime, to bide my time, as i search for a rhyme?

in persuasion i am slanted, diagonally entrenched
by ideas no one thinks are worthwile...what ever
is worth your time these days is not my concern.
caring can be my demise, and i am much too
fragile to make that mistake. i am sullen, i am bored,
i am in no hurry and i can wait until forever knocks
me off this stupor.

if ennui is a disease, consider me terminally ill.

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Ketchup on my shorts...I got ketchup on my shorts, my pants is on fire, my mind is on hyperdrive, the file transfer is like snails on parade, like ketchup on my shorts, it's there, it's not doing anything but it's there...just like me, I'm here but I'm not doing anything, so far. Like benign tumors the size of bowling balls...like people who can't shut their mouths when they're supposed to, people who can't stand the stench should pick up a mop and go at the floor like adog in heat, like there's no tomorrow...throw yourself in reckless abandon, the stench is there, calling you, mocking you, so waht are you going to do? You talk shit but you can't take it...you are not the world, and the world does not owe you anything. You are not the center of the universe, you are not.

Give a monkey a brain and he'll swear he's the center of the universe.

Pick up a mop, stretch those muscles, break up a sweat, sweep dust off the floor, read a book, be nice for a change...do something that will make your mother proud.

_

Downloading Morrissey's new album...2 songs down.

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'cause you're my girl
and that's alright
if you sting me
I won't mind'

RX Queen - Deftones

> from thedeftones.com

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Who locked the goddamn door?!

My bladder was the size of a watermelon, head pounding like a thousand jackhammers on concrete, and when I turn the key, the door somehow doesn't cooperate. First thing in the morning, and that's what greets you...the perplexities of living in 2 separate houses in a compound...my morning sucked from the word GO...I hope the suckage won't continue through the day.

I lost count of how many bottles of rum we had last night...keeping track of bottles with these people is as futile as selling airconditioners to Eskimos.

_

People can be so calloused, so thick-skinned, they can't even feel shame for their actions...people who, when you see them, you can't help but think ill of them, I know it's not right to wish for something evil to happen to people, like a refrigerator falling on them from out of nowhere, or their pubic hairs become in-grown...but they're just asking for it. There is an unwritten law that when you break up with someone, decency would dictate that there be a grace period of at least 1 month before you start putting yourself back in the market...but not these people. It's just not polite, it's uncalled for...I don't like to say or think bad things to people because it's just not in my nature...but I wish they would die from a slow and painful death.

I could think of a hundred ways...I hope they get struck by lightning...in the shower.

Sammy, don't cry for creeps like him...Satan has special plans for these people...trust me, hehe.

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A green house...and that's Kim...she was bored that night, thank God for digital cameras...it's either that or TV.

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My weekend wasn't really all that exciting as I hoped it would be...sleeping at 3 and 5 a.m. is not what I would call a sensible way to kick off what was to be a long and tiresome weekend. I think it has to end sometime, Sunday was just terrible...I spent the first half of my Sunday feeling like a zombie...4 hours of sleep...it was horrible. Cleaning the room acyually made things better; to my surprise...breaking up a sweat felt good.

I haven't seen so much dust...my lungs seems to be filled with it...I had trouble breathing last night, I didn't tell Kim, although she'll be reading this post in a few hours, so what's the difference?

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Not much to write bas of now.

Oh, I just finished downloading Morissey's 'Your The Quarry'...woohooo...highlite of the day so far.

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Like humans and animals, vegetable's have rights too!

This is not for the faint of heart or the weak stomached...enter at your own risk and view the atrocities.

Poor veggies...oh the humanity!

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When you're bored and you know it grab your cam!
When you're bored and you know it grab your cam!

When you're bored and you know it and our faces clearly show it!

When you're bored and you know it grab your cam!

Yeeehaaaa!

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Some more pics

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I just found my old journal in hatelife! wooohooo! It's still down, it'll probably be up soon, but maybe in a different name...luckily I found this site that had all of the old journals for downloading. It feels good, because for some reason I felt like a part of my life has been deleted, or had crashed, I poured my soul in that blog for one year, maybe even more...to the people responsible for retrieving the journals for us to get it back, thank you.

Here's an old entry that I came up with on some boring afternoon at work.

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it gets stale, and my limbs feel sore.
with the cold rush of the wind, the clock
ticks, the wind falls. time stands in
silent mourning, you fell and i swayed,
the music echoes in my heart, as the world
is in slumber, and i in denial.

nothing should have happened, not
when i am utterly distraught, but you
move me, so i thank you. i take the steps,
twist the story and prolong the madness.
and you blush in the sweetest of pink.

but you move me, and in my sleep you
keep watch. whisper into the dark, and my
mouth is dry, from the night we watch
the walls peel, the cracks in our minds
they come alive, and the knife is still.

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Too much free time on my hands...just some sketches, on Photoshop...I'll put some details and finish them when I get more extra time...for now, enjoy!

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This is a story I made in a forum in Hatelife.org wherein you use usernames of Hatelifers to make a short story...the names in bold are usernames by the way.

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Hatelife House Party


Killian_03 was downandout when stephen, gazed into her ANGLEEYES, and said "should it be spelled like this? tellmethetruth!", but she was melancholy, yes...she_is. Wesatinsilence as Relorian burst into the room and conjured up a Maelstrom with her secret society. An implosion that was caused by a fakeweddingring, sent forth a candycoated Electric Rainbow. Nohopeleft!, topavia, Savvy As Can Be screamed. Hearing this, Wonko the Sane stood up, and acted like some bitchydramaqueen, and shouted "quit Foggin’UpDaJEEP you GothicLoser!" right in the direction of Arnold Layne who rolled down stairs as he was carrying a Suicidal Gingerbread Man, tucked under his arm. "Transparent Memory", that's what's causing all this, I know, I have the experiment of life to prove it.

Silenttears rolled down Wonko the Sane's cheeks, Oshun's Daughter went and comforted him, she easily get's DisturbedByOthers and anonymouscowards always make her feel nothing from nothing when her eyes filled with love are hidden and disguised. "Thisismyconfession", and as she said this the dreamer woke up, still dizzy from the oxytocin he had taken the night before. His face is wrenched with a Tired Disguised Oblivion that only Satansboxofcrayons can wipe away. So as to appear that he was NotSoShallow, the dreamer, grabbed the nearest plum he could find, but to his dismay, all he got was an Author fresh from Chimporama, who was an AllStarVandal. "I am Gahhhh!", he wanted to scream but Author quickly covered his mouth, "don't blame M.E. (My Enjoyment)!", I was here first, and besides your PointlessCrapExistence is nothing compared Tessa's Tragidy.

Embarrassed, the dreamer felt Fundamentally Loathsome, he thought he was a neatobandito, but in the eyes filled with love of those around him, he was just a PatheticImp.

Feeling low, he went to the jukejointjezebel, but he didn't have a quarter so he felt allbutdeadinside. "A xxxcalichickxxx, that's what I need!", so he quickly ran to the door but before he made a single step, he got a surprise bump on the head, Antimatt was standing behind him carrying a smokingiguana. "Is that a Scorpion or Grasshopper you got there?", riot girl asked him. 'No, it's a smokingiguana", "Is that a candidcanopy you got there?", Antimatt, feeling a bit annoyed answered "No, it's a smokingiguana.", "Is that a...", but before riot gurl could finish her question, she fell on the floor. "IsSheBreathing?" losergirly asked, and she too, got a taste of the smokingiguana. "It's a Tragidy, but my phatness won't allow such annoying behavior", Antimatt turned to everyone else in the room. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a quarter and dropped it into the jukejointjezebel, pushed some buttons but the display said "DB Error: connect failed", "EverythingSux!" he said as he XKikXKrakX'ed the thing, suddenly "Taintedlove" was on, I hate new wave, Antimatt said...where's Sir_Jonathan when you need him? He waved a blackflag as Abbeydew looked outside the window, from the horizon underaredsky a ChevroletCamaro kicked up dirt as it speeds it's way to the house.

"Here I am!", Sir_Jonathan feeling rather full of himself. "Dude, where have you been? Can you do something about this new wave shit?" He looked at the thing that was playing the song, then he shrugged his shoulders and said, "all I want is FreedomFromMyself", you should ask dan, he's OnlyOutwardlyOk but deep inside, he's a hornyboy. "Hey, I resent that!" dan, jumped and dropped his Beefeater and took off his Trenchcoat. "I'm no hornyboy, a wonderboy, maybe...even an nmrboy but never a hornyboy!" he cried as bloodytears fell, as his eyes of death were like Glitternuts. Sir_Jonathan, feeling compassionate of late, took dan's hand and said, "Ese Loco, you're one crazy Goth Robot dan." Dan could only manage to flash a poorly constructed smile.

"Hey, what about this new wave shit!" Antimatt was now flailing his arms like a snowbunny in a Foxholelove in the Twilight. "Evil Genius!", that's what you are, and all he could do was let out a small "meep". Dan instructed 'Matt to "Look Under My Skirt, quick!", he hesitated but did it anyway. "I know it's Unwanted trauma for you but you have to.", dan said to Antimatt. As Antimatt was looking up, he saw a small lamp, hidden underneath dan's Unfolded skirt, "What's this?" 'Matt asked in confusion, "Take it!" dan said. Antimatt grabbed it and got out of the skirt, he handed it to dan, but dan said "no, you do it." "Do what?" "Rub it." Puzzled, 'Matt did as he was told, he rubbed it and smoke filled the room, then out came a genie called Fight M.E., everyone had their mouths open, waiting for what the genie had to say...then, Fight M.E., opened his eyes and the first thing he said, in his loud voice was "GIH! I hate new wave...we need some RAP up in this bitch!"

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yeah...that's all folks.

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Mental lapses, thought processes, short cuts and short comings, a malevolent and eerie feeling pervading in the air. It's so dense, you can cut through it with a rusted butter knife, the bullshit is so deep, you're breathing it in.

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People left holding the bag often feel cheated and betrayed, people whose pain is irrelevant feel a sense of urgency to kill, maim and well…just kill. As long as your whimsical delusions get done, as long as your capricious urges are fulfilled, nothing matters. Like a Judas’ kiss, looped a thousand times, and my hand is in the cookie jar, the problem is, It was against my will…my hand was stuffed in by force…I plead not guilty. I was framed, I was set-up…it was not of my bidding; it was a dictatorship, a tyrannical reign, an authoritarian rule.

anarchie ou mort!


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There's always a first time for everything...we used to do it through the phone, then text messages, now it's on IM via MSN...maybe we'll try email next time? I doubt we'll ever try email, it's too time consuming, instant messages on MSN is much better, it's like getting a blow by blow account, it's like hearing color commentators in a boxing match, you can actually feel the blows.

Those with dirty minds...shame on you.

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One last thing...

Sorry.

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The first time I read the poem Howl by Allen Ginsberg, it blew my mind away...so much spontaneity and raw power in the words, it bordered on the visceral and genius, you read it and your mind goes on a long journey, a strange trip, a seemingly endless downward spiral...it's hypnotic in a way.

Howl is one of those poems that defy time, the energy is alive, years after it was written. It's one of the poems that has influenced me a lot.

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